morthils:

deliciouslycookingrpgideas:

a-daks:

probablybardrpgideas:

probablystrangerpgideas:

probablybardrpgideas:

Kids these days who think that being a bard is just about swinging swords and playing lutes disgust me. Where’s the pizzazz? The showmanship? The seduction??

you ain’t a real bard until you seduce your way out of at least 19 situations that would normally end in combat

You’re not a real bard until you make your DM cry because you seduced the Big Bad that they’ve built up to for 10 sessions

Once a bard friend rolled a 1 for a seduction and ended up killing a girl and tried to hide the body. He was caught, rolled low on deception and they all thought he was fucking her corpse.
He then tried seducing the guards and rolled low again so all the guards had boners while arresting him and the DM had to sideline the entire game and make up a dungeon for the rest of us to get our stupid bard out of.
But we didn’t. So for like 3 nights the DM essentially ran 2 different games, one of us questing without ol’ corpsefucker and then the adventures of corpsefucker: escape from boner castle.

He seduced his way out, naturally.

A true bard

I’m chaotic good not chaotic dick

ninja after dm questioned money holding dispute (via yourplayersaidwhat)

you, a poser: god is dead
me, a necromancer and an oppurtunist: wait, what?

wizardshark:

scribefindegil:

my favorite part of d&d is when someone is like “… I think I know what my character would do … but it might get us into more trouble …” and everyone else starts chorusing “FOLLOW THEIR HEART!!” as we collectively tumble further and further into narratively fulfilling disaster

And the opposite, “I want to do it but my character wouldn’t” and everyone starts chanting “META GAME. META GAME”

A normal D&D session, but you can’t use…

tsutachishio:

tillaneesia:

cullenscott:

Dice

prove to me that you can make this acrobatics check by successfully performing a triple backflip off the kitchen counter in real life

“Can I seduce the goblin?”
“I don’t know, can you seduce me?”

If you call it the Waifu catalogue one more time I’m calling the cops

my DM to me when I mention the monster manual (via yourplayersaidwhat)

probablybardrpgideas:

deliciouslycookingrpgideas:

mynoodlesdoodles:

I’m not a furry, but my character will have sex with anything that moves and is above 7/10.

@probablybardrpgideas this is a bard, in its truest form

@definitelybirpgideas

ya

annleckie:

probablybadrpgideas:

Instead of evil gods being the gods of pain or death or war, have the main villain be the god of baking. They’re simply a massive asshole on a personal level.

I’m…not getting how this is a bad idea.

junkrat-the-junker-rat:

thatgirlonstage:

kaycxpher:

the road to el dorado when in the context of a d&d game is the most astounding and hellish streak of 1′s and 20′s

“The people think that you’re gods, what do you do?”

“…we go along with it.”

“Roll performance.”

“…I got a one.”

“Your foot gets caught in the stirrup while you try to dismount from the horse. You look ridiculous.”

“Well I rolled a twenty.”

“…somehow, a volcano stops erupting on your cue. Everyone falls to their knees in awe.”

“I roll to come up with an escape plan”

“Alright roll”

“…I got a one”

“I try to convince the horse to break us out”

“Roll…animal handling?”

“I got a twenty”

shorthalt:

shorthalt:

Thanks dungeons and dragons for teaching me how to spell and correctly incorporate Cool Words into my vocabulary such as constitution, proficiency, dexterity, prestidigitation, initiative, and expeditious

history teacher: does anyone know what the united states constitution is?
me, who thinks im hot shit because i carry around a players handbook and eat dice for breakfast: EIGHTEEN