Party member: *dabs*
Me: “Does a dab provoke an attack of opportunity?”
DM: “Yes.”
Me: “Can *I* take that attack of opportunity?”
Tag: d&d
“This bitch empty! YEET!”
— The Cleric, when asked about how many spell slots she had
DM: Ooh, yikes!
The Party: What, what is it?
DM: Oh nothing, just reading ahead
Our party is faced with 3 cult members trying to attack us. We have a tiefling, moon elf and a fae dog all level 1
Tiefling ooc: so we want to incapacitate them not kill them
Fae dog ooc: okay so I roll to bite his leg
Tiefling ooc: no wait bite his dick
Fae dog ooc: okay I roll to bite his dick *misses*
Tiefling ooc: okay I cast magic missile with all 3 hitting his dick *hits for 13* damage
Dm: okay so you hit him in the dick and he looks down and there’s a hole where his crotch used to be and he falls on the floor dead
~~~
Tiefling: I cast ray of frost on the other cult members dick *rolls 10 damage and kills the 2nd cult member* why do I keep killing people by hitting their dicks
DM: At the end of this hall is another door.
Rogue(OOC): Alright, I open the door.
DM: The door is locked.
Rogue(OOC) Perhaps you didn’t hear me. *rolls d20 without looking* I open it.
DM: *sigh* The door is unlocked.
– Our party rogue has a +20 to open lock skill checks.
DM: Carrying a dead rat in her mouth, its…..
Entire 5-person party, in unison: DAISY THE GERIATRIC BADGER!
The most endearing kinks
Me [the DM]: So, uh, what are your character’s kinks?
Player: Perseverance and trying your hardest.
Me (DM): vampyre, with a y
Literally all seven of my players: YAMPIRE!!
Druid with item to eat objects for health
Talking about a cursed torture collar.
Cleric: eat it
Druid OOC: EATING THINGS IS NOT A VALID FORM OF GAMEPLAY!
Sorcerer OOC: Eating things IS a valid form of gameplay.
when a bard uses vicious mockery what they say comes out sounding incomprehensibly bass boosted and that’s how it causes physical damage
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