Something I think is often unappreciated about D&D is the sheer lengths it’s willing to go to in order to make sure every kind of dragon – and it has rather a lot! – has a unique breath weapon. Anybody who’s played a D&D-inspired JRPG will be familiar with the standard options: some dragons breathe fire, others breathe ice, other shoot lightning out of their mouths, and so forth. Then we get to these guys:
Amethyst dragons hork up an enormous gemstone that can be spit with pinpoint accuracy up to 75 feet, and explodes on impact with a sixty-foot blast radius
Black dragons just fire-hose a sixty-foot-long stream powerful acid out of their mouths, like HWAAARRRF
Brass dragons exhale either a stream of blisteringly hot air, or a jet of narcotic gas that puts living targets to sleep
Bronze dragons can spit lightning bolts, or alternatively exhale a mind-altering gas that compels people to run away
Copper dragons also have the acid-barf option, or they can exhale a gas that slows down time in the affected area
Crystal dragons exhale a spray of razor-sharp shards, which is expected, but the shards also glow brightly, forcing anyone in the area to save versus blindness
Emerald dragons just scream really loudly
Fairy dragons burp up a cloud of euphoria gas that inflicts no damage, but makes everyone in the targeted area high
Green dragons huff deadly clouds of chlorine gas
Mercury dragons shoot giant lasers
Sapphire dragons have a sound-based breath weapon, like their emerald counterparts, but theirs is an ultrasonic “brown note” that causes psychological as well as physical damage
Steel dragons exhale a deadly poison, with the twist that the vapour always fills a perfectly cube-shaped volume, regardless of surrounding barriers; the dragon can exercise perfect control over the cube’s dimensions
Topaz dragons have a reverse breath weapon that sucks water out of anything in the targeted area, inducing dehydration in living victims
Robes are stupid. My sorcerer dresses like Petyr Baelish.
To expand: if you are a mage, dress like a noble. Do not dress like a wizard. Pointy conical hat and sky-blue robes is medieval semaphore for “kill first and with extreme prejudice.” Tailored black silk over cloth-of-gold and studded with rubies says “Harmless, but valuable; ransom if possible or kill last.”
If you dress like a noble, they’re not going to pay attention as you take a turn or two to back away from the melee and prepare yourself. The ruse is only broken when you reveal yourself, at which point 8d6 fire damage is screaming toward them at Mach Fuck anyway, so no big.
counterpoint: if you don’t get to dress like someone ran a magical thrift shop through a rototiller and frankensteined the pieces back together what’s the god-damned point of being a wizard
DM: OK, the vampire lord uses his dominate ability on you Bard: *rolls 20 on Will Save* DM: OK, the visibly upset vampire lord now casts blindness. Bard: *crits Fort save* DM: OK, now the vampire lord casts concussion. Bard: I haven’t heard of that spell– Vampire Lord: *slams bard’s head into a wall until she loses consciousness*
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