digitaldiscipline:

anthraxlobster:

Free worldbuilding idea:

Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all.

“Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don’t trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes.”

“Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston’s Divine Circle of Teleportation. There’s some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It’s way safer.”

“I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? ‘Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles’? That’s just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don’t even interact with each other.”

“I’ve been looking at this scroll all morning and I’m 90% sure that the scribe didn’t even look at the standard for pyromancies.”

“Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?”
*indistinct vocals*
“Dave, I’ve seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support.”

fuckeverythinginthisawfulworld:

Official dnd lore: Tieflings are very rare.

The entire dnd community:

true-king-of-monsters:

thepleasuregoblin:

knightposting:

Imagine if paladins and clerics had vicious mockery but instead of an insult they just tell you how disappointed they are in you

Roll to cast “Disappointment Lecture”

dnd-homebrew5e:

kinkstertime:

vessel-of-ineptitude:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

More dumb magic items for your D&D campaign:

• A sword that inflicts emotional wounds
• A hat that, when left alone with another hat, will mate and produce hybrid offspring
• Negative gold pieces

• A map that is the territory
• Armour that becomes more effective the uglier the wearer
• A living pocket-watch that never needs winding, but if you don’t feed it, it dies; it’s an obligate carnivore
• Goggles that put censor bars over monsters of the Aberration type
• An instructional tome in the secret language of ducks
• A dagger that glows in the presence of one particular goblin
• Angry shoes

• A magnifying glass that interrogates unexamined assumptions
• A quill and inkwell set that lets you write with perfect fluency, but only in languages you don’t understand
• Clothing whose colour and pattern are literally impossible to describe
• A magic potion that renders the imbiber both incredibly persuasive and extremely gullible
• An actual key to your heart

Kind of in the same spirit, there’s a crappy magical item generator right here: https://rexiconjesse.github.io
Ive been. Extremely tempted to inflict some of these things on my PCs.

That website is fantastic

viridiandnd:

viridiandnd:

viridiandnd:

Why is it that in almost every D&D group I’m in, SOMEONE wants to have a joke character. And no, I don’t mean like a choatic neutral bard or something, I mean a goddamn chicken. You wanna be a fucking chicken??? A CHICKEN???

I SPENT SO MANY HOURS CRAFTING HOMEBREW RACES, AND CLASSES AND SHIT AND YOU WANNA BE A NORMAL FUCKING CHICKEN WITH A BIG SWORD??? REALLY???? REALLLLYYYY????

So no, I don’t really mind bards.

Me talking to new player: So what race and class did you decide?

Him: Umm a rouge and uuuuuh bird person.

Me: Oh an Aarakocra?

Him: A what? No, like I’m still small but … like a bird furry.

Me: A small … bird furry

Him: Yeah like a coupla inches tall … but my knives are normal size.

Me:

dnd-homebrew5e:

failedyoursavingthrow:

The mage’s face when they’re about to cast Fireball