glumshoe:

maggiemae873:

glumshoe:

bigbeardedgeek:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

hey quick question to people who are adults

does saliva actually work as lubricant? I am trying to assemble an aquarium cover and it… needs some help…

hmmmm

no luck, but now I can check ‘glass aquarium lids’ of my list of things that I have licked

Ship… We need an expanded version of that list

-a jellyfish 
-a banana slug
-an ice sculpture at an art gallery, at the encouragement of the gallery owner 
-a dinosaur bone
-stuff I found in kitchens and couldn’t otherwise identify 
-a comically tiny gun
-a sugar maple tree
-a 9 volt battery
-every salt lamp
-a bitcoin
-bullet casings
-idk probably some other stuff I’m not remembering 

…how does one lick a bitcoin?

this is the only picture I currently have on hand of my $0.99 gold-plated commemorative bitcoin, which ranks just below my rhinestone-encrusted Spider-man dolphin apple lighter on my list of ‘possessions prized for being stupid’

flowersilk:

the sun has no business tapping out at the tender hour of 5pm bitch i have depression

crystaldraco:

cartoon-dog:

postmodernmulticoloredcloak:

animentality:

transhumanisticpanspermia:

atbuttches:

yungterra:

question: how do i make my photograph more tumblr relatable?

Simple:

• filter
• lowercase helvetica

• for extra points: add japanese text

I’m taking notes 

wrong you do this

this site drifts further and further away from comprehensible humor every day

jewishmilesedgeworth:

jewishmilesedgeworth:

jewishmilesedgeworth:

so excited about the prospect of finally having an apartment of my own that i got the shakes in the home goods section of a TJ Max

concerned bystander: ma’am? are you all right?
me, on the verge of tears: apardmint…….

i panicked and bought a set of tasteful novelty dish towels 

desmadrechic:

wrongmovehoe:

femmetops:

manfuckyopride:

me:

white boys with lips:

this is ariana’s ex-boyfriend 

I love trjoel

ms-gender:

me: this is some good weed huh Sylvia

Sylvia Plath: [hits blunt] black blood dances around the witch’s hut. i dream of myriad deaths ensconced in poppies. i am the witch. i am the blood. i am sweet death in all its forms.

me: …alright