auntieshakespeare:

I was at a wedding last week and the 50something year old DJ started playing “Africa” by Toto. Every person under 30 in the room started belting it out and losing their minds with joy and I heard the wedding planner say to one of the older guests, “For some reason Jerry started playing this at every wedding a few months ago and it’s always a hit.”

ray-winters-sings:

duzk:

duzk:

All this talk about gays not being able to drive is blatant erasure of those of us who were brave enough to weather the trials of the DMV (Forbes’ selection for Straightest Place on Earth eleven years in a row) so that we could return triumphant, finally able to drive each other to the 24 hr grocery store at 2 am, the gayest hour, to buy cheap vodka and takis

Stand up for your rights, auto homos! Don’t let them forget your sacrifices

tchalisew:

adorn88:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

tchalisew:

My upstairs neighbor is having really loud sex at 10:25am. And, while this feels like retaliation, I can only hope it mellows her out and she stops stomping around all the goddamn time

Wow in the time it took me to type up and tag this post, the sex started and ended…… she’ll prolly be vacuuming soon. 🙁

It’s 10:29 and the sex has ended. I am v sad for her

I feel like I jinxed her. Like her nigga follows me on here and saw this post, mid thrust, and got performance anxiety. I’m sorry, Upstairs Stomping Bitch.

There’s stomping. She’s up and moving around. And you know what….. I can’t even be mad anymore. If I was only getting fucked for seven minutes at a time, I’d stomp around too.

Y’all she’s showing tf out. She’s really up there like

Damn I just heard her door close and then footsteps coming down the stairs. He left 😭😭😭 he’s not even gonna try again.

I’m gonna need ear plugs for the level of stomping this is bound to cause. When her feet inevitably crash through my ceiling ima just look through the hole and be like “hi…. sorry you didn’t get fucked down this morning. Even tho you filed a noise complaint on me that one time, I was rooting for you.”

Update y’all: it’s 3:10pm and she is vacuuming THE FUCK out of the hardwood flooring

But then like, that really does sound like something ppl that are in need of orgasm do. Just extremely unnecessary cleaning, to take their mind off the lack of sexual release.

I can see the text conversation now.

“I heard Aaron came over last nightttt. Whatd you guys get up to???👀👀👀😏”

“Not much. Oh! But, I did finally get a chance to mop my bathtub tho!!🤗 It was a mess in there, so thank god.”

“😬😔”

It’s 12:26am and she is getting her back blown tf outttt. Cannot be the same nigga from earlier.

I have the strong urge to knock the broom against the ceiling and holler out “yaaas bitch get some bomb ass dick” but I don’t wanna fuck up the vibe

Nvm. It lasted from 12:20-12:28. It’s the same nigga.

She better not start stomping or cleaning. I’ll file a noise complaint so fucking fast. Imagine getting a noise complaint for shitty sex. Don’t do it, Stomping Upstairs Bitch

what a ride

Not for her, apparently.

guy:

omg ok so i was at my locker and i overheard a guy talking about how some other guy kept making eye contact with him and the guy was like “i think he’s gay, that’s so fuckin weird” and a girl who was getting her stuff beside the guy was like “yea that’s very weird considering you’re ugly as fuck” and she walked away like a bad bitch and everyone’s hands went over their mouths and it was the greatest experience ever